Here I am on the eve of what I hope will be a new chapter in the relationship I have with my 20 yr old foster daughter. At the moment she is at a christian healing centre enjoying (I hope) four days respite paid for by the DHB. Things have gotten increasingly bad between us as she struggles with growing up and I react, usually badly, to the ways in which her struggle manifests itself.

A few weeks ago I rang Community Mental Health and was allocated a lovely counsellor, Maude, who assures me that living at home is stunting my daughter's development and she needs to move out and grow up - hard as that will be. I agree with the concept but am not sure how it will work out in practise. My daughter reminds me of a baby eagle, safely tucked away in its parents nest, every need satisfied, unable to grasp the reason why its one day shunted over the edge and made to fly. Scary stuff!

Tomorrow when I pick my daughter up I will be that mother eagle, telling her she is not moving back home, that she will live with her sister until something more suitable is found. I feel mean. I am worried and do not know what to expect. Will she will flip her lid, right there in the car, rage and smash the windscreen or run off, climb onto some shed roof and I won't be able to get her back in the car? Will she go quiet, whites of her eyes showing, a hardness emanating from her and tell me she's coming home and that's it?

I don't even know how I will react. I'd like to think I will stay calm, be gentle and kind show compassion and stick to my guns. But who knows. I haven't been reacting that way lately so its unlikely. But with four days to think, pray, gather my strength and prepare for battle I may be okay.

I hope we are both okay, Maude is right, and it works out well for us all in the end.